The kids going to UC's don't start school until August, September, or whenever. One of the schools I was accepted to has orientation in mid-July. Another school, the school I just got a $12000 yearly grant from, has orientation the day I come back from Europe. I have 104 days until I go to Europe to only come home long enough to be able to leave again.
104 days until everything changes. I have goosebumps whenever I think about it. I waited so long. It was so long. Sometimes I cry thinking about how long this was, and how difficult it was to get here. Now, the end is in sight. I can leave and never come back. I never have to go back to where it happened or see any of those people again. I never even have to see my friends or my house again. Finally, my past will just be part of me and not something I face every day. I won't be stuck, trapped here.
I cry knowing that in 104 days what once seemed unattainable will have been conquered.
Lately, I have pondered the expression that good things leave to make room for greater things. I wonder how that applies to my life. Does it imply that great things become good things? What about things that in unarguably bad? In the most recent context, I wonder if it applies. I wonder if Marching Band left me with a broken heart, a cracked spine, and a feeling of abandonment so I could pick myself up again and find Journalism. Is Journalism the great thing to make up for Marching Band? Was Marching Band, my rock in junior year, merely a good thing?
Every morning, Journalism class makes me prepared for the day. I feel accomplished when I turn in articles, I learn when advanced staff reviews my articles with me, and I have a purpose in trying to change the way my peers view our school. I laugh with the kids in the class, and we accept each other. When I spent time with just four of them, I had felt like I had gone on a greater adventure than I have in months. Journalism might be the path I want to follow in life.
I heard this expression a few months ago, through my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. I never wrote about that ... calamity-like situation, and I never intend to. But, it was a turning point. Anyway, she wanted that to be her senior quote. I remember wondering if she thought my ex-boyfriend was the great thing she gained from her ex-boyfriend. I remember scoffing because I know he won't be a great thing for her. He isn't a great thing for himself. Spite aside, the expression has floated through my mind.
99 days to graduation. 104 days to Germany.
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